combining finances: when it doesn’t work and what to do about it.

You’ve merged your finances with your better half and things haven’t gone as planned. Not sure how this happened and where to go next?

You’re not alone – about 20% of the couples who combine their finances, regret taking that decision. But does that mean it’s all doom and gloom?

Let’s break this down.

if you and your partner are always bickering about money..

That’s a red flag.

But if you took the step after careful thought and analysis, it’s worth going back to the drawing board to remind yourself of the reason you took the decision. Minor regrets and disagreements are a part of the adjustment phase – where you’re getting used to seeing your partner’s spending, saving and investing patterns – the ones you may have missed before.

Try not to judge too harshly, you’re both coming from different backgrounds, schools of thought and lifestyles – there are bound to be some fireworks.

If you are both still on the same page about the BIG stuff, learn to let go of the smaller skirmishes.

You’re Losing alignment on long term goals

This can spell trouble.

But that’s not to say you can’t adjust your way out of this one. If you know that combining finances gives you both a better chance at living a life better than what you could both manage individually – you can still work your way through this challenge.

For starters, work out why there’s misalignment on the long term goals – has there been a change in circumstances – illness in the family etc – that is forcing one of you to reconsider your future plans? Or is this shift a reflection of old money habits creeping into the present?

If it’s the latter, it’s time to sit down and have THE talk. It’s better to have a hard conversation now than to let resentment build up and tackle it in the future.

Feeling unfair about contributing more/less to the joint pool

Some couples tend to split expenses down the centre, while others prefer to contribute into a joint account in proportion to their earnings. Others still look at contributing to specific bills like utilities and rent – skipping other major purchases entirely.

While this approach works for a while, it starts to show cracks when earnings increase but contribution amounts remain the same. It also leads to resentment, if it goes unchecked.

Know that as with most things in life, this solution worked at a point in time for you and your relationship. As most things evolve, so should this arrangement provided neither party faces a significant setback (financially or otherwise).

The silent (Power) struggle

Money and emotion are intertwined – they’re both about security, freedom and recognition. When one partner controls most money decisions, the other’s voice can start to feel less valued.

When money becomes a form of leverage – a way to encourage or discourage a behaviour, that’s when you should seek professional help. There are various ways in which financial abuse manifests in relationships and when you sense a power dynamic come into play – you know that’s cause for concern.

if all else fails…

If you’re feeling cracks emerge in the foundation of your relationship – you should seek help. In most cases, help from friends and family will only make things more complicated for you – there will rarely be an objective and unbiased voice in such a scenario – so look for advice externally.

For residents in Victoria, Melbourne contact Financial Counselling Victoria Inc to get assistance.

The intentional Investor Take:

Money is a tricky subject to navigate, even in the best of circumstances. If you find that the situation is worsening, find help by speaking to a counsellor or a neutral party, who can provide objective feedback. Keep an open mind to the advice you receive and course correct as needed.

If you are facing financial abuse, seek professional help.